My stationery addiction has a serious restriction
On my freedom to pursue a happy life
It makes my world chaotic for its products are hypnotic
And in place of peace I live a life of strife.
I think it’s worth reporting that I’m never found cavorting
Or consorting with a snorting druggie crowd
But I’m gripped with primal longing when fresh paper I am ponging
And that flaw this man of straw wears like a shroud
Now one who shall be nameless thinks I’m shameless but I’m blameless
A sad victim of cruel nature at her worst
I could have been a biker or a climber or a hiker
But instead with paper products I am cursed
My psychosis I supposes has a very bad prognosis
And I’ve never found another so afflicted
For those paper, pens and glue and all the other howdy do
Simply make my liver quiver – I’m addicted
Is it nature - was it nuture - made me such an avid searcher
For the products of the stationery kind
My behaviour fits the pattern that is oft expressed in Latin
As the Delightus Paperitus of the mind
Stationery, stationery, stationery store
What pleasures and what treasures
Lie inside your glass store door
Your cellotape dispenses that play havoc with my senses
And enough is not enough - for - I want more!
Accoutrements of printing always set my pulse a-sprinting
As I gaze on shelves of stationery plunder
I skip the light fantastic through the isles of coloured plastic
All those miles of pure scholastic saucy wonder
My nose buds are a-tingle like the tide that tickles shingle
As I smell the smell that reaches to the core
Oh you temptress - you’re relentless - you’re my lover - you’re my empress
My stationery store - Je t’adore.
God’s as well as mortals always tremble at your portals
And they never deign to pass your doors of glass
They explore your womb – your Tutenkamem’s tomb
Rammed with office products plied en masse
The blitzkrieg of excitement – I feel visceral incitement
Throbbing through your corridors of paper power
I’ve no hesitation - saying, “Lead me to temptation
Flood my blood inside your Babel tower
Compunction and dysfunction are to me an inverse function
When I’m standing face to face with scented rubbers
My slavish predilection to my stationery addiction
Thirsts for benediction as my feeble body shudders
I’d rather fly to Venus than use needles intravenous
Yet - what I can’t resist I can’t ignore
It’s my life - it is my calling and I find it so enthralling
When I’m crawling, trawling. hauling through a stationery store
Chorus:
Oh the stationery, stationery, stationery store
Deprave me & enslave me - and leave me wanting more
Your aisles are bolts of lightning - thrilling, and enlightening
Heighten all my senses with your objects of desire
An addict wreathed in smiles - cruising down your aisles
My soul like burning coal upon your fire
Oh the stationery, stationery, stationery store
Je t’adore. Je t’adore
